THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES (Harald Zwart, 2013)

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Heavens spare us from another fantasy movie featuring love triangles, which goes to show that its target audience, the tween crowd is all about crushes and sorcery, and damsels in distress- which is all right for a moment, but not all the time. 

Unfortunately, once you've seen THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES, there is no unseeing it. 

Set in modern-day New York City, teenager Clary Fray (the lovely Lily Collins) begins seeing people, or rather otherworldly beings that no one else can see. Her room is filled with drawings of a single insignia, and soon enough her mother Jocelyn (Lena Headey, or Cersei Lannister for us nerds) gets abducted by two hulking men. Obviously they are trying to reach Clary. 

Then a guy named Jace Wayland (Jamie Campbell Bower) enters the picture, looking like he stormed out of a punk rock group, or a denim commercial. From the surface, we can already tell Jace is the dashing prince, and Clary is the damsel in distress, and the whole movie is a textbook definition of cliche recycled 100 times over.

There's sorcerers (fans of the books will bash me for this one, but they are basically sorcerers, really), vampires, werewolves, and what have yous, so basically this is another TWILIGHT offspring.

The plot relies heavily on formula- buried family histories unfolding in the end, love triangles (cue in vomit) and a villain seeking world domination. There is no real thrill to keep us hooked, or even a tinge of originality to keep us interested. Not even Lena Headey acting caliber can salvage this movie into tanking into anonymity.

The producers have reportedly been planning on the sequel. Please say no. It's five more books, for crying out loud. 

RATING: 1/5




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